SPECIAL REPORT

MTACRE under investigation while Metro North Conductor is taken into custody at train side.

There has been a buzz of activity around MTACRE's Plexingotn Ave office for the past 2 days. I can't believe how much these government guys love yellow tape said MTACRE office administrator Vinny Stemeli. I keep telling them there is nothing here but cases of Slim Fast and hair remover cream. What are there guys looking for? Our on the scene senseless reporter was on the job and before you could say mark me off union business a representative from Green Bar's main office was standing in the doorway with a restraining order to stop the search remove the yellow tape. Suddenly, one of the agents received a call and the government was back in business. The restraining order was a phony. Just then, our reporter received a call and in a flash, she was down stairs at track level and again the yellow tape was up again but this time it was SWAT Team Leader Joe Scala. He had positioned his men to apprehend the conductor on an inbound train. I've got him good this time Joe said I knew it was him all along. He pretends he knows nothing about computers but we got him now . Our reporter pressed Scala for more and sure enough, he couldn't stop his bragging; I told you and you didn't believe me, we have had this guy under surveillance since the last mailing…when I bring this guy in and show him the video tape he'll need a new set of suspenders . By this time Joe Scala was foaming at the mouth as the passengers filed past the last person was Scala's suspect in full uniform Joe Scala and his team pounced on him like hound dogs in a fox hunt, when it was over their man was gagged cuffed and blind folded. He was a tall slim conductor and you could not make him out they carted him off in a flash. Our reporter was determined to get the story, she was downtown before Scala, and his crew got the cuffs off the conductor. When they took the gag out of his mouth and ripped his jacket off, the suspect was roaring like the lion in the wizard of oz and Joe Scala looked like the scarecrow out of the same movie; where are the suspenders ?Joe screamed. I never wear them screamed the conductor. Your not Art Le May screamed Scala. I certainly am not Art Le May screamed the Conductor Who are you? screamed Scala. My name is Maximus Phalanus Foamsburrius , I was forced to join an association, while taking a cut in pension and benefits, lied to, threaten by my representatives, cheated out overtime and I will have my vengeance. Joe Scala was white as a sheet; he mumbled, stumbled and fell flat on his face. Our Metro North Conductor was let go and returned to Grand Central with a new set of cuffs to be used later, in the privacy of his personal domain.